sevibaby

Personas for Firefox | Severus-Snape

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I found this. Isn't it wonderful.

 

WARNING:

Before you keep reading, get up, go use the restroom, have a box of kleenex by your side and make sure you can make as much noise as possible.



This was sent to me and I have to share it with all of the women out there who know men who would do this.

Please do not sue me if you have laughed yourself to death, I am poor and have to get my kicks somehow.




Subject: Fw: funniest true story ever

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who
purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary
submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol& Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest.

The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt,
pocket/purse- sized tazer.

The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)
while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance
that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched
delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a
fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4
inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really,
and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'


What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil
ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst
just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD .. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .

WHAT THE ....!!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner,
then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet,
both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under
my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room..

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution:
there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go
of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down
and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both
nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of
smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.S... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly
threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS



Now I will say my inner HP fantic came out and a nasty little plot bunny hit me. 

I have a very strange sense of humor and I am totally a whale not a mermaid(if you want to know, leave me a comment and I will tell you).


TTFN

Well today was very interesting. We went wedding dress shopping for by older daughter. She was so thoughtful and got engaged over the holidays. My baby is not allowed to get married. SHE MUST DIE AN OLD MAID!!! I know illogical, but it was worth a try.

My writing muse has decided to run away and even with a full bag of Dove dark chocolate I can't bribe it back. I think it went to the dark side and is having to much fun playing there.

Maybe I need my own day again and some good loving. Who knows, we will see.

My Cardinal's just lost. Oh well, it's been a great season and we will get there next year.

Ta for now.

OMG, I am so sick of being sick. Let's just get it over with and let me move on with my life. The only good thing is I have lost 20lb and on this BBW that is a drop in the bucket. I keep getting told that's a good thing, but it's not the way I wanted to lose it.

I am not being a scrooge, but I really hate all of the toy commericals at this time of year. All I hear is I want and can I have. I keep reiterating what the season is for and it is going right over Katie's 5 1/2 yr old head.

At least Deanna is understanding what not having enough money really mean. With her living out on her own she really is starting to appreciate how hard it really is. The both of us are counting down the days until she start school again. College will be a big difference for her from high school so we will see how she does. For someone who comes from a father that dropped out after 7th grade and a mother who has dyslexia, I will say she is very intelligent and I am very proud of her.

A few weeks back Deanna and Cameron got another puppy and he is just the right size. Deanna being the huge HP fan has named the puppy Padfoot and he is a long haired Doxi. He is my grandbaby. Just the way I like it.

Today is the start of a new day.  What happened yesterday was yesterday.  I will move on and grow from this experience.

I have learned a few things over the past couple of days that I had been wondering about.  These have to deal with the fandom universe and what is proper etiquette.

1)  OTP = One True Pairing

I did not know what this ment.  Now I know.   My OTP in the Harry Potter univerise is Severus Snape and Hermione Granger.

I have always loved the May - December romances.  (ie - old man / younger woman)   My original were Ralph and Meggie from the Thorn Birds.  My original man in black was Tim Curry (Rocky Horror Picture Show).  What that man did to fishnet stocking was orgasmic.

My second favorite OTP from HP is Draco and Hermione.  There is just something about the bad boy and good girl mentality.

2)  I had alway wondered if it was good form to pick up the gauntlet so to speak and finish an abandoned story.  That question has been floating about Yahoo's Potter's Place.  And the answers from all of the various writers is interesting.  Some say yes, other say contact the author, get permission and then go for it.  While still other say no it's not in good form.

See even an old lady can still learn things.

 If you are interested in reading, Birthright my new story go to http://owl.tauri.org/stories.php?sid=12239.   You may need to log in or become a member but please read and review.

Well ta for now.

I have just found out that after 22 years I why I did not get to go to prom.  I had my dress ( and even a dress for my dates prom)(we went to different high schools).  I had had a accident a few weeks prior and was still able to move around.  The reason I believed that we didn't go was that my date and best friend (who went to the same school) were on the outs and I did not have my dates phone number.  Well tonight
I hear a totally different story.  Does this make me mad.  Yes it does.  I have been lied to for over 22 years and was even upset with my best friend over this.  I got over it.  But knowing that some one that you consider a friend would lie to your face and then lie about other things really pisses me off.  It's wonderful to be betrayed.  I have lost some very good friends over the years and to know that one of the few that I tried to keep close has not only lied to me but to my family as well.  It's a shame that this had to happen on a very exciting day for me.  I day has now been shot to hell.


The reason for my excitement was that I had posted my very first multi chapter Harry Potter fan fiction.   Yes, I have written other stories, but they were all one shots and each one did not add up to a 1000 words. 


I will up date again soon.